"This is a work of fiction. All interactions described with Demetri Martin are made up."
Day 8
Monterey, CA
Demetri woke up to a cloudy, grey sky. It was the 8th day where he woke up in a different bed from the previous morning. The air smelt salty and windy. He remembered he was still in California.
Lovers point was covered by early morning fog. It was said that on a clear day you could see Santa Cruz across the bay. It was not one of those days. There was a dog playing near the shore, running around between the water and the sand. Demetri had a book in his tote bag but he decided to take a walk instead.
The decision of coming to California had been made in Demetri’s subconsciousness exactly ten years ago, when he stepped into New York City for the first time. Time Square left a mark on young Demetri with its shinny billboards. New York City introduced Demetri to Patti Smith, or the other way around. Patti Smith inevitably introduced him to Joan Didion, figuratively.
Now ten years later he had finally made the move. As dramatic as he never had been Demetri stretched the move from New York to California into a cross-country road trip. The cross-country trip had started in LaGuardia Airport. The road trip had started in LAX rental car parking lot.
The book in his tote bag had a dog on its cover. It was The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. The dog was doodled by Kundera himself. Before leaving for this trip, Demetri had purchased the book in Long Island City and spent one sunny afternoon to flip through it sitting in a random park by East River.
As he walked back to the car he remembered something his AirBnb host had quoted. "The Coldest Winter I Ever Spent Was a Summer in San Francisco." allegedly said by Mark Twain. According to Google, Mark Twain had never said anything like that.
He missed the sun in NYC.
Day 6
Cambria, CA
T-20 min to sunset
Grabbed car keys (essential).
Grabbed sunglasses (why?).
Grabbed a jacket (good idea).
Started the car (forgot the phone).
Got the phone (thank god).
Started the car (again).
T-10 min to sunset
Cambria.
Moonstone beach drive.
Ocean to the left.
B&B Inns to the right.
People crossing the street without looking.
Rude.
T-3 min to sunset
Ocean to the West.
Strange.
Water is usually to the South.
Sun set into the Ocean.
Strange.
Sunset usually sinks into high-rise buildings.
T-0 min to sunset
Demetri wished he could live in this moment forever
Day 5
San Luis Obispo,CA
Google Maps insisted Demetri to take US 101 North bound, “It’s easy and straightforward and this is what most travellers do. It takes you to straight to San Francisco within a day.”
Demetri insisted he would follow US 1, for the exact reasons.
Google Maps decided to throw a tantrum and refused to adjust the route recommended. Demetri decided to ignore Google Maps’ scream when it was time to “make a right turn in 300 feet”.
He followed the road signs.
It was the first time Demetri paid such close attention to road signs.
“California 1, up arrow”
The sign was wide. The font was huge. The colours were white on green. The signs told Demetri to follow the path and Demetri did. The sign didn’t appear again until 5 blocks later. “California 1, up arrow” The sign said, exactly the same as 5 blocks ago.
Trust was formed.
Demetri made it back to US 1 following the road signs.
Day 3
Sequoia National Park, CA
The temperature in Three Rivers at 7 in the morning was about 30C/82F. Later in the day it would raise to 40C/104F as the sun came up. The drive from Three Rivers to the Giant Forest Museum was about 1.5 hours/1.5 hours. As the car climbed the elevations, the temperature would pleasantly drop to 25C/77F as the result of a 1,700m/5577ft difference in altitude.
It was not Sequoia National Park that Demetri wanted to visit in the first place. It was Joshua Tree and star gazing in an outdoor tub on the vision board. That was before he realized going into the dessert in the middle of the summer might not be the best idea. As he was preparing for the trip, Demetri learned about the bears and rattlesnakes in the area for the first time. He then started to question whether going into the mountains alone was a good idea at all.
Mountains used to be the only things Demetri associated with California. Exactly one year ago Demetri visited San Francisco for the first time. During the same trip he visited Yosemite National Park where he saw the Half Dome in real life. It looked much smaller and smoother than it appeared in the videos. Demetri lost his ring in a parking lot which no longer meant anything at the time so he didn’t bother looking for it. During the same trip Demetri learned about the concept of above the tree line.
California was associated with more things now.
Demetri was amazed by the fact that the ocean and giant trees were only steps away from each other. Mountains and water would appear on the itinerary of a day trip. Waves were not exactly the same as snow. Gravity was less of a friend to help you ride but more like a mentor - you would be reminded of the consequences if you ever lost balance. Demetri was surprised that he had had more meals at Dim Sum restaurants in California than anywhere else in the world combined. Dim Sum is just like Hot Pot; going alone is not prohibited but highly discouraged.
California is home now. When he arrived home he would create a garden, Demetri thought to himself.
Day 9
Saratoga, CA
At the top of a mountain at a winery, Demetri sipped on water. It was a trip of dream coming true and that was the last part of the dream. The sun in the evening casted a golden layer on the amphitheater.
It was time.
Demetri Martin took three deep breaths and got ready to go onto the stage.
Oh wait. He was supposed to do a bit at the backstage.
Where is the mic. Great. Here we go.
We’re filming a Netflix special. We’re not messing this up.
Demetri got to meet Demetri Martin after the show.
“Great show. I’m [——]. It’s such a pleasure to meet you.”
“Thank you for coming to the show.” said Demetri Martin, “I’m terrible with first names.”
“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it. I got you covered.” Demetri said in earnest.
